GIANTS…MIDGETS & SCUBA GEAR…
Hooking up at the bar…Ahhhhh…ONE of the sights we bartenders can not seem to avoid seeing. It happens more often than we would want it too! I mean COME ON PEOPLE!! The LAST thing I want to see when I am working is two people swapping spit and feeling each other up! It’s even WORSE when you work at a hotel bar because these people HAVE A ROOM! Take it up-stairs or outside!!! SAVE the bartender from having to witness your dirty deeds!!
So…one night I am working at the hotel bar. It’s late, ’round 11:30ish. I come out of the kitchen and there are these two women at the bar. Mind you they are the ONLY people at my bar. The one lady orders a Long Island Ice Tea. “Make it strong” she says to me. Ummmm…DUH..LIT’s ARE STRONG! They have 5 liquors in them! I make her drink…not so strong…just because…don’t need to be picking anyone up off the floor (NOT that I could if she did fall over because she was a GIANT)!
I notice over the next ten minutes that these two “ladies” keep getting all these phone calls. EVERY time the phone would ring they would answer “Helloooo” in this attempted “sultry” voice. Phone sex operators is what I thought. Whatever…I go about what I am doing and the lady orders another LIT and asks for the check. I give her the check, she pays with a credit card and CROSSES OUT THE TIP LINE! WHOA!! REALLY! STIFFING ME..REALLY!!
I go back into the kitchen to blow off some steam… I come back out and the one lady is getting up to walk out. Heading to the restroom I assume. As she walks by me I am caught off by the SIZE OF HER ASS! This woman was tall, and looked bigger, however…her ass was the size of a flat grill!
SERIOUSLY..J’LO does not hold a candle to this lady’s Kadunkathunk! Her ass is sooo big that I could see and hear the threads on her pants screaming for relief! She actually turns side ways to get out of the door! WOW! My boss and I are stunned at this sight…I mean, how does one get a ass soooo big???
I go out for a smoke, come back in and I see that someone has joined the group. Now..let me set this up for you. These are two GIANT women in MASS and SIZE and sitting between them is this tiny, tiny little person. I’m short people, but he was border line MIDGET! He’s lucky if he weighs 90 pounds and not more then the tender age of 20. Not even a min goes by and the two giants start to giggle. Before I know it, the one with the flat grill ass is slamming this poor kids head into her chest and giggling while the other one proceeds to fondle him! I’m surprised the “little” one does not get a concussion! I’m standing there in utter disbelief while my boss has his jaw wide open. Over the course of the next ten minutes this goes on. This kid “attempts” to put his arms around both ladies as he sat between them, but their mass is well beyond the bounds of his “reach”.
At this point I struggle with being horrified and sick at the same time. Did they pay for him?? Is he an escort?? Does he know what he got himself into?? I mean IF this kid attempted to sleep with BOTH these women at the same time…it would be PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for him to come out not only alive..but I’m sure he would look like he was put through a press when they were done!! These are some GARGANTUAN women. If I knew any better I’d think they were transvestite lumberjacks! Seriously..this kid is gonna have to put on a scuba suit if he wants to go down there!! I would say a good analogy to this one would be putting a jalapeno into the Lincoln Tunnel HEHEHEHEEEEEE!
Well after a thousand jokes between my boss and I they “leave” to go upstairs. I SWEAR the one lady picks this poor thing up by the back of his neck like a lion would their cub and takes him with them.
Even the security at the front desk are intrigued at this group….
Cut to the next day. I see the kids that were working the night before. I ask them about the “group” last night. They tell me that the two ladies had checked out but there was no sign of the “little”one. HAHAHAHAAAAA….NOW there is speculation at the hotel that he could still be “IN” the room..flattened…maybe under the rug..who knows!!. My boss has the best thought though. He believes that the “little” one got sucked up into a place that no man has gone before and that if the lady gets searched at the airport they are going to find two feet hanging out of her special lady place because that had to be like a Venus fly trap that just sucked that poor kid in!!!
MORAL of the story kids....SIZE DOES MATTER KIDS HAHAHAHAAA 
